Where is the passion when you need it the most.

I just want to feel that over whemling feeling again. Where I don't want to stop kissing. But I pull away cause it takes my breath away, only to look into your eyes and be drawn back in. I see it on TV n movies (lame I guess) but I finally understand it. I was encountered the other night with a compromising situation. A good friends bday party. I knew he said he was going to be there. Which to me was a big surprise. Yes, he was friends with him threw me, but he'd bin so shut off lately why show up there of all places. Don't get me wrong because this is what I wanted. So much, yet so little time had passed yet so much had changed in my life. I was doing good! I actually was good in life accepting things with my past that maybe I ignored for many many years, and concentrating on what I wanted. I was determined for him to see me as me. No the girl with a 100 problems that was too much for him. I showed up a couple hours late, as expected. No him. My bf mentioned a couple times, "do you really think he would show up" in the back of my mind yes I really did. He said he was. Time passed. My first "love" was there who I had not seen in a very long while. We were young and very stupid. He put me threw a lot of physical and mental abuse and in result it has affected the person I am today. But we are friends. I would say that on a light note, not on his part but mine. He truly is sorry for how he treated me back then. We were just kids I give him that. But what I thought was love, was not. And he wishes he could pursue me now. Treat me right, know me for me, but I have, for the best of me, has moved on a long time ago. But none the less I was happy to see him. I still feel the urge to no from someone that I use to love that I still draw him in. Despite the many passes and comments we discussed I blantly admited to him that my heart wa else where. Always chasin the one that got away. When he walked in I saw him right away. It was later than I expected and had given up hope of him coming. But I saw him that moment. I didn't no what to do. Do I appeach him right off and prove how much I'm drawn to him. No. MY bf said right away she recognized him. Just kinda looked at him. I turned he waved n smiled n then was approched by the nday boy so I let it go. They went inside n I was surrounded by a group of guy friends so I carried on. He only knew the bday boy n his roomie so they came back out n started to mingel and he was left alone n I couldn't let him stand there alone so I left a convo to offically say hello. It was a hug a smile and small talk. Can't finish now. Another time. Bye.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular