So the other night when he told me to loose his number I told him to give me my stuff back and I would be done. I didn't think he would actually make a point to bring my stuff back. Well I did delete his number cause I just didn't want to bother him anymore or be treated like that anymore. He just never could make time for me and I was making a fool out of my self my week after week trying again and again. So I was filling out a job application this afternoon, my day was going fine when in the middle of it my phone vibrated and it was his area code . I half recognized the number but couldn't answer it then since I was being watched by the people I was filling out the app for but when I saw the number left a voice mail my I got so nervous, my face got hot, my hands started to shake. Sure enough when I got out to the car I checked the voice mail, it was him, tellin me he was in town, he brought my stuff n if I wasn't busy he could get it to me. How sad. So I called him back with the bad butterflys in my stomach. I had bin planning on going to the park to read for a bit since it was such a beautiful day out and that ended up being the place I told him to meet me at. He got there before me and asked where I was, he was being nice... Told him I'd be about anothe 5 min he said that was cool. I can't explain how nervous I was. I was so scared, not only because I hadn't seen him in forever but because , this possibly was good bye for us. For good. :((((. I pulled up to the park walked over to his car, he wasn't in it I turned around, n of course saw him, the man that with just one look makes my knees go weak my stomach do somethin crazy n my eyes light up, standin down at the pond in the sun light throwin food out to the ducks. He was wearin a hat, cargo shorts with his green flip flops that I've tried wearing before but were silly big on me. He must have seen me coming, but idk how cause he didn't look at me but when I was a few feet away he turned outta no where and threw a piece of corn at me like he knew I was comin. We chated a bit. Talked about what was new, he's leavin for cali on thur to visit his sister. He gave me a couple quarters to get bird food, we just stood there playin with the birds, talkin , it was nice. He kept gettin more food, and givin me quarters till he had no more. I tried to save mine as long as I could, I'd like to believe that we were both putting off the goodbye for as long as possible. But after about 30 min, he was out of quarters n I was out of words. So we walked to his car, l got my stuff out. Commeted on his new car stickers. We talked a little more. Just un important convo. Then he said he'd let me get goin. I just wanted to tell him, don't go. Stay with me. He use to tell me the first thing he noticed about me was that I had amazing eyes. During all this day he would say something, I'd smile, it was a true smile, something I haven't done in a while, and he'd catch my eye, and he wouldn't let it go. I know he had to have seen it there by his car when he held my stare, that I didn't wanna do this. That he still was in my heart. He pulled me in for a hug, I never wanted to let him go. I missed so much his arms around me, his smell. God it was so hard to pull away. He walked to his car I told him to have a good time in cali n I couldn't look him in the eyes cause I knew it was goodbye n I couldn't look into those beautiful eyes I think my heart would have shattered right there. I couldn't look at him as he drove past n out of the parking lot. But when he turned onto the road, I had to have one last glimpse. He was staring at me, honked his horn n waved as he was driving away. The tears that I held back for hours are now pouring out. My best friend Joe told me, its ok to cry. N that's what I plan on doing. Maybe I can cry all the pain out. I never wanted to say goodbye to him. Never wanted him out of my life. I just wanted to no he cared, that I ment something to him, to hear his voice call me baby, pup, beautiful. Its all over. :((( I walked to a park bench n I was trembling so badly, the tears I couldn't hold back. They weent thick, just soft, and sad. I hoped I would see him pulling back into the park, walking toward me. Sit with me. Tell me it would be ok. But, that would be a fairytale, which is far from my life. He never came back. Goodbye is the hardest thing I have ever not had to say. I'm so sad and hurting. I just need time I guess, or a miracle to make things right n him to come back again. Moving on now, despite what my heart mind n body don't want me to. I'm so drawn to him. But. Its gone. Done. :((( the end.
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