Suicide

Ya, I've cut my self a couple times, just to see how it feels, to see if the hurt could put weigh the pain. I take sleeping pills after drinking, even tho the doctor says its dangerous. I can't sleep with out them. I take risk. I'm not greatful of the gift of life. I live each night, to sleep soundly and not be lost in my thoughts, thoughts of being alone, faluire in my life, never going anywhere... Etc... Don't take me wrong, I can sit outside n fall in love with the air, trees, sun, people happy around me, but I always have a small pain of loneliness. I wanna feel it, not observe it. Sometimes I feel so close to it, others, I feel like I'm doomed for life. People say change it, I say its way easier than said. I wish I could run away, start over with the knowledge I have now. People n family say I can't do that. But who are they? What have they given me in my past to make me want to stay for them. Its about me, and only me. That's how its always bin.
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