I can hear the neighbor guy singing up stairs, ******* use to sing to me. It made my heart melt n my knees go weak. :(

To the end

So, I finally pushed him to the end. Made him say to me , lose my number. I could have just left it at what it was, him admiting that he's got issues and just needs to be alone. Really I no he's serious when he says its nothing personal. But I can't help but wonder if he's just fuckin with me. Like most guys. He is. I called him the other night cause I no he's bin sittin In his house doing nothing, being sad n hurt. So I offered to take him out to a movie during the day, he declined. Said he just want up to gettin outta the house. But then when I called later that night to tell him I was comin over to cheer him up n wouldn't take no for an answer ( not in a physco way, more or less in a , hey, your depressed... You need some happiness I'm comin over to make you smile) only to find out that oh he's out at the bar a buddy came over and got him out of the house. I was pretty hurt by that. How long can I let someone push me away untill I'm too far away to find the way back. That's where I feel I am now. And what that means is I have to leave him. Take him out of my thoughts n worries. He doesn't appeciate what he had. I just kept tryin n tryin to make him realize what he had but he just didn't care. So some things were siad . Maybe things I should have said right from the start. And its done. Over. Gone. N I'm trying to my hardest to not think of him or worry about him. I just need to concentrate on myself n my goals for my future. God grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular

I had a really good day. Had three great interviews! But now that I'm home. The fact of being alone and he still doesn't miss me hurts. A lot. I miss his voice

Rainy day

So were not posta have cats at our Apt without putting down a deposit but I figured one cat they will never know plus who can afford a 300 dollar deposit for one cat n you only get half back. Well we got away with it for about 9 months but today they called and said the owner saw her in the window n knew we were not to have pets . I think what really happened was the neighbors called it in cause she has bin meowing all night . I haven't gotten her fixed yet so she's in heat... Drivin me nuts!! Its sooo annoying! But now I gotta figure out some where to take her. I wish the person I got her from would take her back cause I'd hate to leave her with a stranger.

On another note.. Idk if I mentioned but I've bin pretty heart broken the past couple of weeks... Its a shity thing to have to go threw. I wish I knew the way to make it not hurt. And to stop missing him. i get so upset when I think about the fact that he doesn't miss me at all. I think about him daily n have to stop myself from calling or texting him. I know bothering him isn't going to help anything. Idk. No one ever said it was easy. I hope that once he gets his problems figured out he will look back and think of me. And maybe, just maybe, we could start fresh with how things were in the begining and just enjoy each other. But then I get scared that what if that doesn't happen and I have lost someone who made me happy and who was an amazing person but just got a little lost. If only he would stop pushing people away that care about him and give me a chance. But I just don't see it happening :( sadness.
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Ugh.. I should be doing laundry, cleaning, n filling out apps today..but its rainy n I just don't wanna move from my bed. I've bin so blah lately. Idk